I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
smell my finger.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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