I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
