We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
