return my video game
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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