Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
