Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
