the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
