Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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