She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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