You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
