she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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