anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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