That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
