My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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