At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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