Farmville is her only friend.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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