Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
