You're my little dorito
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
