saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
