i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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