Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
