ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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