I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
