I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
