I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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