if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
