You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I could fuck to npr.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
