I just pynch a tree in the face
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
