you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
