I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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