I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
