I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
