I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
