I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
