Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
