I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
