So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
