Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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