If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize