I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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