I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
