dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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