so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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