i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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