You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
