remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
