i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
