There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
