please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
