I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
