Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
