We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
