I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
