how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
