Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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