Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
