dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
