where am i from again
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize