lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
ttyl tear gas
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
