Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize