Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
