I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
