My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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