Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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