The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
