he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
