Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
